


Tapping Out

by aunt_zelda



Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: Aftercare, BDSM, Bullying, Community: pacificrimkink, Cuddling & Snuggling, F/F, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Multi, Panic Attacks, Polyamory, Psychological Trauma, Safewords, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-12
Updated: 2013-09-12
Packaged: 2017-12-26 09:20:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/964269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aunt_zelda/pseuds/aunt_zelda
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Summary: Five times a safeword was called in the Shatterdome, from five different couples.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tapping Out

**Author's Note:**

> Written for this prompt at the Pacific Rim Kink Meme:  
>  _http://pacificrimkink.livejournal.com/1613.html?thread=3013197#t3013197  
>  The sub of the pairing taps out hard or just breaks down in the middle of the scene; maybe flashing back to some memory - the cast likely have enough trauma between them to fill an asylum -, maybe because they felt forced to confront a feeling in naked light or anything. Fluff follows where they try to decipher when this took a turn for the bad.  
> A slight preference for maybe Stacker/Herc (because Stacker being a fixed point and gently reassuring is hot, come on) or Chuck/Raleigh (with Chuck on top, since I'd like to see him having to man up and handle a delicate situation like this), but any pairing will be cool._
> 
> I couldn't decide on one pairing so I wrote five different ones. If there are any warnings or triggers I missed, please let me know and I will edit the tags accordingly.

1\. 

It’s going well, so well, so hot and good and exactly what Herc’s wanted. Stacker is amazing at this, orders flowing as naturally in here as they do in the outside world. Except the orders here are for Herc to kneel, stay, suck, bend over, and all Herc can say is “yes sir.”

It’s pretty much perfection.

That is, until Stacker grabs him and hauls him up in a specific way, under his arm, just like when Herc was dragged out of Eureka’s cockpit six months ago, half-conscious and not sure if Chuck was alive or dead.

Herc breaks out in a cold sweat, feels his knees go, and can’t breathe, gasps, throat tight … he chokes on the safeword and his hand twitches the non-verbal signal.

Stacker stops. He eases Herc to the floor and steps back, doesn’t touch him anymore.

“Herc,” he says, in that calm, soft voice of his. “Herc, listen to me. You’re here, in my room. You’re safe. You’re in Hong Kong. Follow me back.”

Herc closes his eyes and concentrates on that voice, willing the memories away. They keep bubbling up, making his heart race and his chest ache. 

Eventually, Stacker’s voice does guide him back, and Herc can breathe again. Stacker brings him water and wraps him in a blanket to stop him shivering.

“What was it? Can you talk about it?” Stacker asks, quietly. 

“The way you … grabbed me. I think.” Herc shudders. “Reminded me of that … you know, six months back? Gettin’ pulled out, didn’t know if Chuck was gonna make it or not …” Herc feels his stomach churn and pulls the blanket tighter around himself.

Stacker holds him, tightly, and Herc falls asleep in his arms. 

 

2\. 

This thing they do is … weird, to Chuck. He understands normal sex, two people fucking for mutual enjoyment. He gets that. But this … this rougher stuff … ok he loves it, but he’s not exactly comfortable with it sometimes. 

Then again, he gets to take out his insecurities on Raleigh, and Raleigh just begs for more, so that’s fun. 

It started with a private fight after their very public one. Raleigh demanding Chuck apologize to Mako, Chuck calling Raleigh “Mori’s lapdog,” followed by more fighting. The fighting resulted in awkward and obvious erections, which led to frantic kissing, and more fighting. Eventually, the ended with Raleigh pinning Chuck down and explaining things like safewords and BDSM, and Chuck saying “yes” and agreeing to all the rules Raleigh laid down because he wanted to keep doing this weird, kinky shit with Raleigh. One of the conditions was that Chuck had to apologize, honestly, to Mako about the whole “bitch” thing. Chuck reluctantly agreed, not knowing he had to do it in the middle of the mess hall, in front of everyone. 

Seeing Raleigh’s lips around Chuck’s dick later that night makes it all worth it, though. 

Mostly they “fight” and Chuck “wins” and gets do to whatever he wants with Raleigh, and Raleigh just … obeys. It’s really freaking fun. And now matter how demeaning, how outrageous, Chuck’s demands get, Raleigh gets off on it all. 

That is, until one night, when they’re going through a usual scenario – Raleigh on his knees, Chuck’s hands in Raleigh’s hair, Chuck fucking Raleigh’s mouth – when Raleigh taps out the “non-verbal safeword” on Chuck’s leg, and pulls back. 

“Oh no … no no no …” Raleigh is shaking, eyes glassy, leaning back against the wall. “Anchorage …” that’s the “verbal safeword” he gave Chuck a while back. 

Chuck freezes, and slips out of his whole “smarmy bastard” act. He crouches down and refrains from touching Raleigh because that’s something you’re apparently not supposed to do when someone calls the safeword. “What do you need? What can I do?”

“D-dark? Lights … too much …” Raleigh waves his hands vaguely.

Chuck gets up and dims the lights until they’re in comfortably soft lighting. 

“Ok …” Raleigh sounds shaky but a little better. “Blanket? Towel? Something …”

Chuck grabs a blanket from his bed and tosses it gently to Raleigh, who wraps up in it. He isn’t shivering anymore, at least. 

“Anything else?” Chuck gulps. “Fuck, sorry, I shouldn’t talk …” he bites his lip.

“No, it’s ok,” Raleigh attempts a smile and almost manages it. “You’re doing great, Chuck. Really.”

“No, I fucked up. I did something wrong and it freaked you out.” Chuck feels seriously low. Seeing Raleigh all shaky like this is awful, and _he_ did this, to Raleigh, he went too far.

“That’s not how it works,” Raleigh says, straightening up. “You can’t know all the triggers, you can’t know for certain what’ll work and what’ll be too much. What you can do is know as much as you can, talk to your partner, and listen when they give the safeword. You did all of that. You did good, Chuck.”

Chuck still feels like shit, but at least Raleigh isn’t mad at him, or curled up on the floor and catatonic. “Ok …”

“I’ll be fine. You did everything right. Not gonna be up for anything rough tonight, though.”

Chuck nods. That makes sense. “Should I, um, leave?” he asks.

“If you want. I’d rather you stayed.”

Chuck has an idea. “You wanna … uh … cuddle?” he stares at the floor.

“That would be great, actually.”

“Don’t you tell a soul, Raleigh.” Chuck growls, helping Raleigh up onto the bed and spooning him. “Chuck Hansen is _not_ a cuddler.”

“Duly noted.” Raleigh laughs. 

 

3\. 

She can’t breathe. The walls are closing in, and she’s trapped, she’s crushed, she’ll never get out again and where are her parents …

Mako doesn’t realize at first that she’s chanting her safeword over and over again until she hears, distantly, Sasha asking her what she needs. 

“Roof … I need … space …” Mako is crying, shaking, hardly able to walk as Sasha wraps her in a thick blanket and leads her down empty hallways and up to the roof.

Outside, the night air is crisp and fills Mako’s panicked lungs with cool, soothing oxygen. She breathes slow and deep, and sits on one of the folding chairs left up here by people taking secret smoke breaks. Sasha sits at another, watching her with concern. 

“Thank you,” Mako says at last, once her heart is beating at a slow pace once more. “It became too intense for me.”

“Was it a memory?” Sasha asks. 

“Yes. From my childhood. From … that day. A building collapsed while I was inside. I was … trapped. I could not escape for several minutes. The space was … so small, so crushing. I could not move.”

“And yet you wish to become pilot?” Sasha is not accusatory, only curious. 

“Cockpits are large. I can move within them. That day … I could not move at all.” Mako gulps. “I … excuse me … I …” she gets up, steps to the side, and vomits over the railing. 

Sasha comes up behind Mako and holds her hair back, rubbing Mako’s shoulders as she spits and coughs. 

“I will keep this in mind, should you wish to continue our sessions.” Sasha says as Mako stumbles back to the chair, Sasha’s hand on her elbow. 

“I do.” Mako insists. “I … I cannot be crushed? Pinned down?”

“I can work with that.” Sasha promises. 

 

4\. 

Hermann was surprised, at first, by Aleksis’ request. It’s no secret that the Kaidanovskies have an open marriage, and take partners together or separately. But their tastes are not public. So when Aleksis asks to be tied down and beaten, called names, berated, humiliated … Hermann is a little intimidated by the task facing him. He is not the most physically intimidating person, he’s short and limps and lacks confidence in social situations at times. Whereas Aleksis is a bear of a man, towering over all, and could likely pick Hermann up in one hand.

So the mere logistics of working this out are a process in and of itself. Aleksis seems heartened by Hermann’s willingness to try, though, and this encourages Hermann to continue trying. 

Things proceed rather well, with wrinkles to iron out of course, and starts and stops here and there, but overall they manage. Aleksis begs for more and Hermann uses his cane for things he’d never even considered before. Sasha watches sometimes, just watches, gives pointers once in a while, but mostly watches. Hermann gets the impression that after he leaves, Sasha takes over, putting her own marks next to the ones Hermann has left on her husband’s back and neck and ass. He’s never asked to watch that, but he’s very tempted.

Aleksis calls his safeword on an afternoon when Sasha is not present, cries the word out once and then repeats it several times, voice very small and frightened.

Hermann quickly uncuffs him from the bed and takes several steps back.

Aleksis curls up, panting, eyes squeezed shut. He whimpers slightly, then begins humming to himself, a soothing pattern.

As Aleksis begins to stop shuddering, and his humming becomes less constant, Hermann slowly approaches the bed. He tentatively sits on the edge and Aleksis reaches out, wrapping one huge hand around Hermann’s arm. 

“You are good for me, doctor. You are exactly what I am wanting, in relationship with man. But … sometimes I remember school? When I was small, and bigger boys hurt me. Then I was big, bigger than all the boys, and they could not hurt me anymore. But sometimes I am still small boy, inside my head, and cannot protect myself.”

Hermann nods. He knows all about that kind of behavior. Constantly skipping grades, and then going to university at such a young age, Hermann was continually bullied, and never got big enough to make them stop. “Is there anything you want me to stop doing? A gesture, a way of touching you, anything at all?”

Aleksis shakes his head. “It happens rarely. The more we play, the more comfortable I shall be with you, and the less confusions shall happen in my memory.”

Hermann nods. 

Aleksis squeezes his hand and smiles. 

 

5\. 

Tendo is always in control. Always collected, always knows what he needs, how he’ll react, how to proceed.

Until the instant that he … doesn’t. When everything crashes down around him and he can hear blood pounding in his ears and all he can see is that place, the cell, those men. He wants to run, fight, something, and all his body wants to do is pass out or vomit.

After a few horrifying moments – which feel more like hours as Tendo gasps and curls up on the floor, shielding his head – Tendo can also feel Newt around him. Checking his pulse, gently putting him into a recovery position, and then backing off. Then Newt is sitting on the floor and looking scared half to death. 

That helps bring Tendo back. Nobody ever looked that scared in prison and lasted long enough to pick fights. 

“Sorry,” Tendo chokes out, pushing himself up into a sitting position on shaky arms. “Got a little out of myself.”

“Was it …” Newt gulps. “Sorry, I shouldn’t ask, it’s your business –”

“And your business is to know about my triggers. Ask me, Newt, I don’t mind.” Tendo rubs his own arms in a self-comforting gesture. 

Newt bites his lip, then asks, unable to meet Tendo’s eyes. “Was it about prison?”

Tendo feels a wave of cold wash over his body, and nods. 

“Oh.” Newt’s face contorts with concern and guilt. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know –”

“Neither did I. They can sneak up on me, sometimes, the memories. It was the way you … how you …” Tendo takes a moment to steady himself. “Don’t call me by that … word, anymore. I think if you avoid that, I can avoid that memory.”

“Ok.” Newt nods. “I can do that.”

Tendo smiles. “I don’t deserve you.”

Newt glares. “The fuck you say.”

Tendo laughs, and the rest of the night consists of low key cuddling and a Godzilla movie Tendo knows Newt has seen more than twenty times already.


End file.
